"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." -- Herm Albright "Many people think that if they were only in some other place, or had some other job, they would be happy. Well, that is doubtful. So get as much happiness out of what you are doing as you can and don't put off being happy until some future date." -- Dale Carnegie "I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." -- Stephen Bishop "When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." -- Alexander Graham Bell "It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well." -- Rene Descartes" He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) "Poor Faulkner, does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner) "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde "He is a self made man and worships his creator." - John Bright "I've just learned of his illness. Lets hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S.Cobb "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play. Bring a friend, if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second, if there is one." - Winston Churchill in response "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." - Jack E. Leonard "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln "I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx **************** I dialed a number and got the following recording: "I am not available right now, but Thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the Beep. If I do not return your call, You are one of the changes." ~~~~~ Aspire to inspire before you expire. ~~~~~ My wife and I had words, But I didn't get to use mine. ~~~~~ Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses. ~~~~~ Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting. ~~~~~ The irony of life is that, by the time you’re old enough to know your way Around, you're not going anywhere. ~~~~~ God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question. ~~~~~ I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one. ~~~~~ Every morning is the dawn of a new error. ~~~~~ "With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"- Jay Leno ************ "Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of 10 people couldn't start a conversation." -- Kin Hubbard ********** I sold my house and moved into a pandemonium.-Toronto mayor Allan Lamport ********* The past has been a big part of my life.-former butler to Princess Diana, Paul Burrell ************* "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits." -- Albert Einstein ************* I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post. -- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island "I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people." -Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle "They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off." -Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers. "The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep." -Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." -Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." -Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents "When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemploy- ment results." -Former U.S. President Calvin Coolidge "It's like deja vu all over again." -Yogi Berra "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese." -Former French President Charles De Gaulle "The loss of life will be irreplaceable." -Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on the San Francisco earthquake "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it." -A congressional candidate in Texas "It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. There- fore, I have to beat somebody." - Richard M. Nixon "The government is not doing enough about cleaning up the environment. This is a good planet." -Mr. New Jersey contestant when asked what he would do with a million dollars. "Things are more like they are now than they ever were before." -Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower "A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money." -Everett Dirksen "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on." -Samuel Goldwyn "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child. " -Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on Republican family values "Half this game is ninety percent mental." - Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark "Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind." -General William Westmoreland "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is." -Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle at a fundraising event for the United Negro College Fund. He was attempting to quote the line "a mind is a terrible thing to waste" "If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet." -Former British foreign minister Ernest Bevin ************** "Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer." -- W. C. Fields ********* "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." --Johnny Carson *********** Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known. Enjoy the following quotes: Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. There are two theories to arguing with a woman... neither works. Never miss a good chance to shut up. Always drink upstream from the herd. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket. There are three kinds of men: ones that learn by reading, few who learn by observation, and the rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves. If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. Lettin' the cat outta' the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back. ******************** "The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office." -- Robert Frost ************* "We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action." -- Frank Tibolt ************ "There is no future in any job. The future lies in the man who holds the job." -- George Crane ************ "Facing a mirror you see merely your own countenance; facing your child you finally understand how everyone else has seen you." -- Daniel Raeburn ***** "I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me." -- Noel Coward ********** "We live in a moment of history where change is so speeded up that we begin to see the present only when it is already disappearing." -- R. D. Laing ************ "You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them." -- Ray Bradbury ********* "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -- Winston Churchill "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." -- Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -- Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" -- Ernest Hemingway "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." -- Moses Hadas "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." -- Abraham Lincoln "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -- Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -- Oscar Wilde "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one." -- George Bernard Shaw (to Winston Churchill) "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." -- Winston Churchill (in response) "I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." -- Stephen Bishop "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -- John Bright "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -- Irvin S. Cobb "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." -- Samuel Johnson "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -- Paul Keating "He had delusions of adequacy." -- Walter Kerr "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -- Jack E. Leonard "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." -- Robert Redford "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." -- Thomas Brackett Reed "He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." -- James Reston (about Richard Nixon) "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -- Charles, Count Talleyrand "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." -- Forrest Tucker "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -- Mark Twain "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -- Mae West "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -- Oscar Wilde "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." -- Andrew Lang "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." -- Billy Wilder *********** "Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still." -- Lou Erickso ************ Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." -- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." -- Eleanor Roosevelt Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. -- Mark Twain The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. -- George Burns Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. -- Victor Borge Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- Groucho Marx My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. -- Jimmy Durante I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. -- Zsa Zsa Gabor Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. -- Alex Levine My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. -- Rodney Dangerfield Money can't buy you happiness .. but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. -- Spike Milligan I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. -- Mark Twain I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. -- Bob Hope I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. -- W.C. Fields We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. -- Will Rogers Don't worry about avoiding temptation . as you grow older, it will avoid you. -- Winston Churchill *************** Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. -- Phyllis Diller By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. -- Billy Crystal ************ "I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it." -- Terry Pratchett ******************** "Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status." — Laurence J. Peter ************* "One cool judgment is worth a thousand hasty councils. The thing is to supply light and not heat." — Woodrow Wilson (1856 - 1924) "In a heated argument we are apt to lose sight of the truth." — Publilius Syrus "Truth often suffers more by the heat of its defenders, than from the arguments of its opposers." — William Penn ******************** "I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it." — Thomas Jefferson "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." — Benjamin Franklin "But a Constitution of Government once changed from Freedom, can never be restored. Liberty, once lost, is lost forever." — John Adams "It is seldom that liberty of any kind is lost all at once." — David Hume "Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and success of liberty." — John F. Kennedy **************************** "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." — Thomas Edison ************ "If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito." -- Betty Reese ************* "The old believe everything; The middle aged suspect everything; the young know everything" --- Unknown from Chinese fortune cookie *************** "Truth often suffers more by the heat of its defenders than the arguments of its opposers." -- William Penn *********** "I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life." -- George Burns ********* For every person with a spark of genius, there are a hundred with ignition trouble. --Kurt Hanks ****** "It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this." -- Bertrand Russell *********** "In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress." -- John Adams, in the movie "1776" "Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent." -- Isaac Asimov "Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable." -- John F. Kennedy "Opinions founded on prejudice are always sustained with the greatest of violence." -- Francis Jeffrey ********** "I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." --- Stephen Bishop "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." -- Winston Churchill (about Clement Attlee) "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." --- Irvin S. Cobb "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." --- Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." --- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." --- Samuel Johnson "He had delusions of adequacy." --- Walter Kerr "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." --- Groucho Marx "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." --- Thomas Brackett Reed "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." --- Forrest Tucker "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." --- Mark Twain "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." --- Mae West "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." --- Oscar Wilde "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." --- Oscar Wilde "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." --- Billy Wilder ********** The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. —COMEDIAN LUCILLE BALL ********** Don’t talk to me about Valentine’s Day. At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass! —COMEDIAN JOAN RIVERS ***** I’m going to be eighty soon, and I guess the one thing that puzzles me most is how quick it got here. —MUSICIAN ROY ACUFF ********** Middle age is when a guy keeps turning off lights for economical rather than romantic reasons. —WRITER ELI CASS **** "One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives!" --Euripides There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." ********* He that lives on hopes will die fasting.-Ben Franklin He may well win the race that runs by himself.-Ben Franklin To lengthen thy Life, lessen thy Meals.-Ben Franklin Constant complaint is the poorest sort of pay for all the comforts we enjoy.-Ben Franklin We must, indeed, all hang together, or most assuredly we shall hang separately.-Ben Franklin 'Tis against some men's principle to pay interest, and seems against others' interest to pay the principle.-Ben Franklin If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some; for he that goes a-borrowing goes a-sorrowing.-Ben Franklin You will find the key to success under the alarm clock.-Ben Franklin Many have quarreled about religion that never practiced it.-Ben Franklin For every minute spent in organizing, an hour is earned.-Ben Franklin Ere you consult your fancy, consult your purse. God heals, and the doctor takes the fee. Rather go to bed supperless than rise in debt. Drive thy business; let it not drive thee. There never was a good war or a bad peace. I know not which lives more unnatural lives, obeying husbands, or commanding wives. Haste makes Waste. Idleness is the Dead Sea that swallows all virtues. The best of all medicines are rest and fasting. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve. Beware of little expenses: A small leak will sink a ship. Fools make feasts, and wise men eat them. He does not possess wealth that allows it to possess him. Plough deep while sluggards sleep. Search others for their virtues, thy self for thy vices. Where there is Marriage without Love, there will be Love without Marriage. Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. Is there anything men take more pains about than to render themselves unhappy? Dost thou love Life, then do not squander Time, for that's the Stuff Life is made of. Remember that time is money--Advice to a Young Tradesman (1748) Teach your child to hold his tongue, He'll learn fast enough to speak. Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead. There's small revenge in words, but words may be greatly revenged. There are no ugly Loves, nor handsome Prisons. Even peace be may purchased at too high a price. Buy what thou hast no need of, and ere long thou shalt sell thy necessaries. 'Tis more noble to forgive, and more manly to despise, than to revenge an Injury. Ever since Follies have pleas'd, Fools have been able to divert. Energy and persistence conquer all things.--Ben Franklin (also all those unattributed quotes above) ******* "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." - Western Union internal memo, 1876. "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." - Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943. Computers in the future may weigh as little as 1.5 tons." - Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1944 "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981. "But what . . . is it good for?" - Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip. "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." - Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977. The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible." - A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.) Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" - H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927. "I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper." - Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind." We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." - Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962. "Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." - Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895. "Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." - Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre. "Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy." - Welldrillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859. *************** "Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction". - Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872.Marriage changes passion-- as quick as the certificate is on the wall, you're in bed with a relative. -Unknown ********** You’re never too old to become younger.—ACTRESS MAE WEST ********* I take it not only a day at a time, but a moment at a time, and keep it at that pace. If you can be happy right now, then you’ll always be happy, because it’s always in the now. —WILLIE NELSON * Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. (Will Rogers) * There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action. (Goethe) * A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience. (Oliver Wendell Holmes) * Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason why so few engage in it. (Henry Ford) * If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking. (George Patton) * Those who agree with us may not be right, but we admire their astuteness. (Cullen Hightower) * Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat. (Sun Tzu) * Planning without action is futile; action without planning is fatal. (Unknown) * Confidence is what you feel before you comprehend the situation. (Proverb) * A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. (Mitch Ratliffe) ********************** "Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand." -- Putt's Law *********** "Judge of a man by his questions rather than by his answers." -- Voltaire "It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers." -- James Thurber "Look at all the sentences which seem true and question them." -- David Reisman "I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education." -- Wilson Mizner *************** "Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for."--- Will Rogers ********* "Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws." -- Douglas Adams ********* "The person who knows 'how' will always have a job. The person who knows 'why' will always be his boss." -- Diane Ravitch *********** "They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." -- Andy Warhol ********** "We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails." -- Bertha Calloway "Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it, and then move on." -- Bob Newhart ************ "We all learn by experience, but some of us have to go to summer school." -- Peter De Vries "I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." -- Mark Twain "Grammar school never taught me anything about grammar." -- Isaac Goldberg "Education would be so much more effective if its purpose were to ensure that by the time they leave school every boy and girl should know how much they don't know, and be imbued with a lifelong desire to know it." -- Sir William Haley "The school of hard knocks is an accelerated curriculum." -- Menander (342 B.C. - 292 B.C.) ************** "Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something." -- Robert Heinlein ************ "Courage is one step ahead of fear." -- Coleman Young "Courage is fear holding on a minute longer." -- George S. Patton "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." -- Ambrose Redmoon ************ "There are only two things a child will share willingly -- communicable diseases and his mother's age." "I don't believe in astrology; I'm a Sagittarian and we're skeptical." (Charles Schultz) "It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." (Jackie Mason) "Man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much -- the wheel, New York, wars, and so on -- whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins believed themselves to be more intelligent than man for precisely the same reasons." (Douglas Adams) "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." (Greg Norman) "Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver." (Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman) "Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable." "If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag." ********************* Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever. * Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. * Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. * Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff. * Mariah Carey, pop singer "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." * Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents "The police are not here to create disorder. They're here to preserve disorder." * Former Chicago mayor Daley during the infamous 1968 Democratic Party convention China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese. * Former French President Charles de Gaulle I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law. * David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes. The Internet is a great way to get on the Net. * Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. * Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas. * Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees. * Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana.... The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are. * Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22 Half this game is ninety percent mental. * Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off. * Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1,000 for an ordinary pair of pliers It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago. * Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people. * Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it. * Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe. * Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. * Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign The president has kept all of the promises he intended to keep. * Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on "Larry King Live" After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post. * Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it. * A congressional candidate in Texas Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind. * General William Westmoreland, during the war in Viet Nam *************************