Edited from Newsgroup rec.games.bridge 29Jul05 message:295382 and the replies.

A collection of useful things to say when your bidding got you a bottom, and you know it's your fault, but you don't want to admit it.

  1. "I don't play results."
  2. "I was using judgment. Points, schmoints."
  3. "It's good to be deceptive sometimes."
  4. "If you never get doubled, it means you're not bidding enough."
  5. "Even though they made it, now they know we like to double, so they'll underbid from now on."
  6. "It's important to get in there and disturb the opponents' bidding."
  7. "Trust me, in an expert game, they would all be in this contract." ( or "It would've been a good sacrifice against a grand slam, and expert players would have been getting there.")
  8. " I rather be in game going down two, then play two hearts."
  9. "Thank you for that quality dummy - I was wondering which opponent held the missing kings in this auction."
  10. "It pays to overbid a bit to improve our skills at playing poor contracts."
  11. "If they don't make a few doubled contracts from time to time we are not doubling enough".
  12. I'm sorry I had a club in with my hearts.
  13. I'm sorry it was 95% my fault, for agreeing to play with you.
  14. I'm sorry, it was my fault for assuming you had any idea you knew what you were doing.

I recommend the "principle of first mistake" and "Principle of last mistake", depending on exactly what happened.

Either: "It was your fault for not doubling. My later actions may not have been best, but that was the first mistake."

Or: "We still could have got a good board had you not doubled. My earlier actions may not have been best, but that was the last mistake."

An ex-regular partner once misplayed a hand. Apparently it was my fault, for yawning too often as dummy.